so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
