thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
