i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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