Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
