Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
