please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
