Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
there is glitter all over my balls
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
