with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
