i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The adults are the big ones right?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
