Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
