Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
