Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
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