just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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