WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
