Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
