i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
