all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
