I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Welp...herpes.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
