That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i will never coherently bang her
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
