he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
They have beer where we have blood.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
