found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
