I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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