my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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