He kissed a someone with a penis
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
