Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize