i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
