Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
