Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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