my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
