My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I cannot find my penis.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
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