I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
