K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize