I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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