Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
