i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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