just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
