she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
whose parrot is this?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
