Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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