Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
