How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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