Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
