i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
