The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
