Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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