yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
