Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
