idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
