wakey wakey hands off snakey
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
