Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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