return my video game
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
