She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
