Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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