So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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