Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
