Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
