Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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