I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
