New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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