So drunk its hurt
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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