youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
