Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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