I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
