someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
