I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
