i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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