not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
