Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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