god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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