it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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