so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So apparently I’m into choking now
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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