new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
