Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
