In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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